A Christmas too white…

Hello again. I hope all of you out there somewhat salvaged your Christmas holiday. Anyone who had anything scheduled for Christmas Eve through Sunday in the Upper Midwest had to have been affected by the monster storm that just kept dumping snow on us. It turned out to be one of the whitest Christmases of my life.
As I believe I mentioned in a recent blog, I’ve been fighting with an ailing leg over the past couple of months. I’ve had to resort to using a cane to get around town, eliciting catcalls of “old man” and “gimpy” from passersby. On the bright side, if these hecklers are standing close enough, I can whack them with my wooden appendage.
Unfortunately, having a bad wheel is exacerbated when it won’t stop snowing and scooping/snowblowing becomes an around-the-clock job.
That’s where my bossy little sister Darla comes in.
Mom and Darla arrived on Christmas Eve afternoon to join us at the church service and spend the night. Christmas with Kathy’s family scheduled for that evening had already been postponed and the Wilmes gathering scheduled for Christmas Day at the Senior Center was in jeopardy.
Waking to piles of snow Christmas morning I found that somewhere over the years Darla got the idea that she is the boss of me (she isn’t) and commanded me to stay inside while her and Kathy cleared the front and back driveways and sidewalks of snow. I resisted at first, but I could see it might come to blows, and although I had a portable “whacker” with a rubber tip, I refrained from using it. I still have to sit through the story (now legend) that I used to hit her on the head with books when we were kids. I don’t want to be in the nursing home someday and hear how I used to whack her with my cane “back when we were middle-aged.”
So Mom and I watched through the window as they soon realized that shovels weren’t going to do the job, and they had to pull out the heavy artillery…the 20+-year-old Jacobsen snow blower.
A.K.A. “The Beast.”
They soon found out what I already knew. The Beast works best between April and October. The rest of the year, not so much.
It got them through about 85% of the blowing, however, and that was enough make room for any family members who may show up later in the day.
We ended up canceling the Senior Center and the decision was made to host the celebration for all who could make it to our house. This is now referred to by Joe, our cat, as “48 hours of hell.” He is still shaking off the after-effects.
We had a great time, although sorely missed the family members who couldn’t be with us. By Christmas night, sleeping arrangements included just about everything except the cat trees—and Joe thought people were sleeping a bit too close to them also.
By Saturday afternoon, local small engine repair dude Don Kuhn had my snow blower “purring like a kitten,” and I was able to widen out our paths once I was out from under the iron thumb of my sister.
Late Saturday afternoon we were able to gather with everyone who was able to make it from Kathy’s family, so the holiday wasn’t a total loss.
With a four-day New Year’s weekend approaching, I intend to spend my time NOT shoveling or snow blowing—my choice, not Darla’s.
If, however, she has the urge to call and tell me to kick back and watch some movies, who am I to argue?

You might be a Grinch if…

I hope everyone is enjoying the season to the fullest. I’m in full Christmas music mode on my iPod…yes, I am somewhat of a girly-man. I love the season and the snow and the music and the lights. Unfortunately, I’m nursing a gimpy left leg this year, or I would be once again enjoying the shopping also. I have 11 months to get my leg back into shopping shape for next season, however.
Next week I get to spend some time with my two favorite groups of people. Kathy’s family will gather at her dad’s farm on Christmas Eve for lots of great conversation, food and laughter. About the time I think I’ve recovered from the Christmas Eve feast, I’ll start all over on Christmas Day with my family for several more hours of merriment. I can hardly wait.
I would like take a moment to thank everyone who takes time to read this stuff every week…and especially those who took the time to read my column through the years in the local newspapers.
I have so much to be thankful for this year. When your life’s plan gets taken from you unexpectedly, it tends to knock the wind out of your sails. I was so fortunate to find employment after being sent out into the job market when it was at its bleakest. I’m truly blessed.
In order to enjoy Christmas to its fullest, I will be taking another week off from this blog…because I can… So I’ll wish you a Merry Christmas now. I hope you all get to spend time with people you love.
There are some of you out there, however (you know who you are), who tend to put up a Grinch-like front when the season rolls around, but I know deep down that you folks enjoy Christmas more than you are letting on…you might as well admit it.
To those of you who suspect you may truly be Grinch-like, there are a few telltale signs. Here are my Top Ten Signs You Might Truly Be A Christmas Grinch…
10. You are green.
9. Your favorite Christmas song is performed by those annoying barking dogs.
8. Your picture is on the bulletin board at the North Pole Post Office.
7. You think Blitzen is that dude on CNN.
6. Years of coal smudges inside your stocking.
5. The neighborhood kids have nicknamed your yard “Mount Crumpit.”
4. You find yourself repeatedly telling people where they can put there figgy pudding.
3. Your favorite Christmas activity consists of dipping lutefisk in white chocolate and serving it to unsuspecting kids.
2. You have a sore puzzler.
And the number one Top Ten Sign You Might Truly Be A Christmas Grinch…
1. Right after Thanksgiving each year you put up your “Lords not permitted to leap on premises” sign.

If your name is Clay…stop reading here

Okay, okay…yeah, I know I said I was only taking a week off from the blog blather, but you just never know what life will throw at you… That, and the fact that I don’t HAVE a newspaper deadline every week anymore, so it’s not like I’m losing any income. You people start sending me checks and you’ll get a blog every week, like clockwork.
I’ll start by picking up where I left off. I must admit that I was shocked by the number of people who asked me to “send their best” to Meghan, the newest member of the Wilmes family. I should mention here that there are family members I’ve been writing about for over a decade and nobody’s sent them their best. One fresh face and everyone is fawning over her. Just another reason for my brother Clay to feel overlooked… Fortunately for him he can feel a bit special, being the only male in the family eligible for a discount at Perkins.
Oh, and Meghan wasn’t actually at the Wilmes Family Thanksgiving celebration (she was with REAL family) on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, but we acted as if she were. We gathered for the semi-traditional family pie picture, and inserted her via the wonders of Adobe Photoshop. I’ve included the picture here, but don’t tell Clay if you talk to him. As we were posing for the picture, he refused to be included—“…this picture isn’t going on the Internet is it?”
After I assured him it wasn’t, he agreed to pose.
We also haven’t told him his driver’s license had to be rescinded. We just tell him the car doesn’t start.
Wait till we try to explain why Meghan is in the picture.
The celebration was splendid and I truly had plans of taking only a week off from blogging. We trekked to New Ulm to spend the traditional Thanksgiving Day with Kathy’s family. Lots of great food, board games and laughter were served. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to catch up on odd jobs I had lined up at home, as well as rehearsing for the Opera House Christmas Show. It was good.
About Tuesday of last week, however, things began to go sour. Something hit me overnight on Tuesday, and when I got up Wednesday, I knew I wasn’t going to work. As a matter of fact, I would only put in another six hours the rest of the week, and those were not much fun.
Headache, fever, chills, sinus infection, dizziness, nausea and the inability to stay awake laid me out flat for the remainder of the week. I can’t say I ever remember sleeping that much in a 72-hour period over the course of the rest of my life.
Fortunately, I was once again beginning to feel human by Friday evening, when we had another rehearsal for the Christmas Show. Another rehearsal on Saturday, as well as the two actual shows, and I was ready to call it a week.
I would like to send out a big thank you to all the participants for another wonderful show, and to all who came to see it.
There is always at least one fun anecdote each year. This year it belonged to me. I’ve been singing “O Holy Night” in the show for 12 of the past 13 years, as well as once a year at Danebod Lutheran Church. In the evening show, I forgot the words to not one, but two of the three verses. It was a train wreck. All that was left was for me to stumble forward and crush someone in the front row. Thankfully, I was spared.
Oh, and I got my biggest round of applause in years. I promised if they came back next year, I would sing the remainder of the song…
Just to warn you all, I’ll also be committing bloggus interuptus on Christmas Week. Yes, another break. So you might all want to send your Christmas Greetings to Meghan early.
I’ll probably write one next week, though. We’ll see.