Everywhere you looked over the past couple of weeks, someone was making predictions about the coming year. In keeping with my own little annoying tradition, I bring you my top ten predictions for 2011.
10. The Hattiesburg, Mississippi Bingo League will grow frustrated in September when Brett Favre can’t decide whether or not he is joining.
9. In July, after six months of give and take and bipartisan bargaining over the big issues in our country and multiple meetings with President Obama, Democrats and Republicans will announce that they haven’t reached any agreements, but they have decided to break for Independence Day.
8. The New York Yankees will buy the Seattle Mariners.
7. Sarah Palin will “refudiate” the big government overreach of indoor smoking bans. “Ya know, our forefathers were known to light one up in the Oval Office once in awhile. Since when is this country afraid of a little lung cancer?”
6. Bad news: the Twins home opener will be snowed out in April. Good news: there will be no problem with the roof caving in.
5. Sports call-in geniuses will call for the firing of Leslie Frazier after the Vikings lose their first game of the 2011 season.
4. I will be the beneficiary of a rescue effort in February when an avalanche will bury me between the massive snow piles at the end of our driveway.
3. On her way out of her rehab facility, Lindsay Lohan will violate the terms of her probation and be escorted back in the building.
2. Wikileaks will reveal that the texts Brett Favre sent to Jenn Sterger actually contained pictures of Aaron Rodgers’ willy.
And my Number 1 Prediction for 2011…
1. In an effort to dramatically improve their bottom line, my insurance company will decide to just have me shot.
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