Sunday, January 1, 2012

I predict you will want a pet!

I have two orders of business to conduct in the blog you are about to read (or not read). The first involves my encouragement to all to go out and adopt a pet now that the hustle/bustle of the holidays is over. I admit to being totally manipulated by the ASPCA commercials featuring Sarah McLachlan urging us to rescue a cute, furry animal. It makes me realize that it is probably good I’m not a billionaire, because I would blow all my money on dogs and kitties. 
I'm Spook, I'm 2 years old,
I'm neutered, and I'm waiting for you!
While purebread animals are adorable and photogenic, I encourage you to go to one of the local animal shelters and rescue an animal that has been abandoned and needs a home. For a small fee, you can bring home a small friend who will love you unconditionally for as long as they live. I still miss my late friend Joe, who left us way too early in his life. Now I have Torii, who does some serious bonding with me every morning before I go to work, and most days when I return. The purr-fests have gotten to the point where I have adjusted my morning alarm from 5:45 to 5:30 so I don’t have to peel her off my chest in order to get to work on time.
I wouldn’t want to imagine my life without her.
I’m sure there are many area organizations that have pets available. The two I know of are the Tracy Area Animal Rescue (according to Facebook, the contact info is: email arvizu@iw.net, phone 507-828-8029). We met Torii at the Sioux Falls Area Humane Society, back when her name was Carmel and she looked so sad lying in that cage… If you go to http://www.sfhumanesociety.com/ you can see many of their current residents that are up for adoption, with pictures and a short description of many. Are you a fan of cats? They have over 100 on hand right now.
Tell them I sent you!
My second order of business…you know you’ve been waiting for it…is my fearless predictions for the New Year. Remember you heard it here first:
I present to you my Top Ten Predictions for 2012:
10. Trouble will erupt in Hell when Osama bin Laden finds out his new roomie, Gadhafi, wants to watch nothing but reruns of “Dancing with the Stars.”
9. About the second week of June somebody will break down and finally have to say, “I guess it will have to be you,” to Mitt Romney.
8. Kim Kardashian will start putting the shattered remains of her life back together by getting engaged to a hockey player and booking some TV time for the wedding.
7. Anthony Weiner will appear before the Board of Review hoping for reinstatement, but the Board Chairman (his wife) will inform him he will still be sleeping on (and tweeting from) the couch.
6. The Twins will rebound from The Season Of Which We Shall No Longer Speak to win the World Series as Joe Mauer catches 150 games, Francisco Liriano wins 25 and Tsuyoshi Nishioka wins the Gold Glove. In other news…Charlie Sheen will take a vow of chastity and Donald Trump will shave his head.
5. At some point during 2012 I will get to a point when I can picture in my head which actor is Dylan McDermott and which actor is Dermot Mulroney. (I have simple goals in life…next year I will work on sorting out actresses Mary Louise Parker, Mary Stuart Masterson and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.)
4. My extreme denial and incredulity will persist throughout the year as my ego continues to take a beating over the fact that I can’t beat Paula Dovre in Words With Friends (Facebook Scrabble).
3. Residents of northwestern Lincoln County will gain regional attention with “Occupy Hendricks,” a grass roots attempt at bringing attention to the lack of cell phone coverage in the city. It will fizzle when out-of-town protesters find out they can’t send a tweet unless they drive to the cemetery south of town and stand under the tree while holding a wire coat hanger.
2. The Mayans will be proven right when the world ends on December 21st, three days after Minnesota lawmakers approve a stadium plan for the Vikings.
And my number one Top Ten Prediction for 2012:
1. When my driver’s license gets renewed on January 26th, I will be able to extend my streak of 10 consecutive license photos in which I resemble serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
Happy New Year!

1 comment:

  1. Happy New Year Mark - thanks for continuing to share this blog with us all!

    ReplyDelete